Botch-fest 004

Well, I certainly released my partisan hatred in my last Botch-fest post. Kitto I must write a disclaimer about the strong, vitriolic language that will also appear in this post; however, my diatribe will be later in the post.

Put simply I loathe both Saint Patrick's Day and April Fools' Day. I despise Saint Patrick's Day for the pinching and likewise April Fools' Day for the practical jokes. I really don't need for either day to be anything more than March 17 and April 1 respectively. I don't need at all!

I am a patient, peaceable, polite, and practical-minded person who is generally serious. I do not easily tolerate people and things that waste my time and my effort on things about which I do not care. I am a typical, conservative hypocrite or a typical, hypocritical conservative.

Before I begin to earnestly gnash my teeth, I will calmly discuss my recent history of practical pranks, although I can only be so precise with dates and identities.

I have been at my present job for eleven and a half years. I used to work with a guy who professionally went by the nickname Block. I actually seem relaxed when compared to Block. Around the year 2000, two pranks were played on Block, both of which played on his perceptions, and neither prank was played on April Fools' Day. I actually did not mind Block.

The first involved a spray bottle filled with turquoise fluid. The spray bottle would typically be filled with window-cleaning fluid. Of course, Block did not know that in reality the fluid was Kool-Aid®. I was not the one tell him after someone took a swig.

The second involved a container for a urine specimen. Of course, Block did not know that in reality the fluid was apple juice. Again I was not the one tell him after someone took a swig.

Mary, our administrative assistant, passed away from a returning cancer in early 2007, but before that and back in our old office, a prank was pulled on me. Someone had bought food and before I returned to the office; they had hidden all of the food in the cabinets in the office. They expected more of a surprise from me, but I hardly reacted. I really did not care whether or not they hid the food; I was not particularly hungry. The food was not mine anyway.

After we moved to our new, remodeled office, I worked with a guy named Floater. By my standards, Floater was a spoiled, rich boy. Floater had previously quit, but applied and was rehired. The other company, for which his sister worked, did not work for him. Needless to say, Floater was a few years younger than I was at the time. His conservatism makes my conservatism look left-of-center. As an employee, he was basically worthless.

One day Floater stepped away to answer a mobile-phone call outside. Mary hid his lunch in one of the cabinets in the office and I played along. When he returned wondering where his food went, I said nothing.

Floater found some other job somewhere; and good riddance. Since then he married his girlfriend, with whom he used to make out in the parking lot at work. He has locked himself deep into debt. For him, she was so cute when she was 17 and he was 20. I last heard that Floater now has gray hair and her cuteness has severely faded.

Justice does exist in this world!

Mafia Wars on Facebook was pulling something, too.


Now to commence with my teeth-gnashing, and my cursing.
Growing up I hated Saint Patrick's Day, because invariably I would forget to wear green to elementary school, so that fact just gave license to some fuckers to pinch me.

In the fifth grade I even wore green and some fuckers would still pinch me.

Well, fuck them! Fuck Saint Patrick's Day.
Fuck standing in the freezing rain. Fuck an excuse to just get drunk.

I agree with Brandon Mendelson on Twitter:

Does anyone else not give a shit about April Fool's Day?

I do not care for April Fool's Day, especially since I was fooled today!


Yeah, those are not chocolate brownies covered with chocolate icing; they are damp sponges covered with chocolate icing, like your girlfriend. You goddamn fucking bastard!